Here lies John
Dead as Ever
The above is a humorous inscription or Epitaph from an unknown Headstone and I ask your help in finding more like it.
The word Epitaph is derived from from the Greek words, epi (upon) and taphos (tomb) Webster defines them as: "an inscription on a tomb or grave in memory of the one buried there". It also can mean a composition in honor of or epitomizing a deceased person or something from the past not intended for for display.
They began being placed on Tombs in Egypt, later appearing in England in the 16th century. This all spread to America in the 1700's and thus, "Pete's Tombstone Page" has evolved....to Cyber Space.
 
I ask your help genealogists? Let's think humor! Email me a few you have come across.
Regardless, Please Enjoy!
 
Here are some more:

On the grave in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

           Here lies:

      Ezekiel Aikle

      Age 102

     The Good

     Die Young


 
In a London, England cemetery:
      

 Here lies Ann Mann

Who lived

an old maid

But died an old Mann


  

 
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

           Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna


 
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:          

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising


 
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake


 
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

           Here lays Butch

We planted him raw

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw


 

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of my husband

John Barnes who died

January 3, 1803

His comely young widow aged 23

has many qualifications of a good wife

and yearns to be comforted


 
A lawyer's epitaph in England:           

Sir John Strange          

Here lies an honest lawyer

And that is Strange


Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

           I was somebody

    Who is no business

        Of yours


Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's.  He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

  Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

 No Les No More


 

A Lady Doctor in a Key West, FL cemetery:

  I told you

I was sick!


John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:          

Reader if cash thou art

   In want of any

    Dig 4 feet deep

And thou wilt find a Penny


 

On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

      She always said

 her feet were killing her

           but nobody believed her


 

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

           On the 22nd of June

          Jonathan Fiddle

        Went out of tune


 

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go


 

More fun with names in Battersea, London, England:   

Owen Moore

Gone away

Owin' more

Than he could pay


Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

           In Memory of Beza Wood

           Departed this life

           Nov. 2, 1837

           Aged 45 yrs.

          Here lies one Wood

           Enclosed in wood

           One Wood

           Within another.

      The outer wood

           Is very good:

           We cannot praise

           The other


 

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

           Under the sod and under the trees

           Lies the body of Jonathan Pease

          He is not here, there's only the pod

           Pease shelled out and went to God


 

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Ellen Shannon

 Who was fatally burned

    March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R. E. Danforth's

"Non-Explosive Burning Fluid


From Skaneateles, NY

Underneath this pile of stones,

Lies all that's left of Sally Jones

Her name was Briggs

It was not Jones

But Jones was used to

Rhyme with stones


From Lee County Mississippi:

Once I wasn't

Then I was

Now I ain't

Again


Lady buried at Chapel Cemetery-Chapel Hill, NC

I was Carolina Born
and Carolina Bred
now here I lay
Carolina Dead


From Kent, England:

Fear God, keep His Commandments,

And don't attempt to climb a tree,

For that's what caused the death of me


 

  Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

           Born 1903--Died 1942

   Looked up the elevator shaft to see if

      the car was on the way down


 

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

           Here lies an Atheist

           All dressed up

           And No Place to Go


In a Welland, ON cemetery

Here lies all that remains of Charlotte

Born a virgin, died a harlot

For sixteen years she kept her virginity

A marvelous thing for this vicinity


 In  Cripple Creek, CO

Here lies Zeke

The Second Fastest Draw

in Cripple Creek  


 

In a cemetery in England:

Remember man as you walk by

As you are now so once was I

As I am now so shall you be

Remember this and follow me

(To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:)

To follow you I'll not consent

Until I know which way you went


From a stone in Green Bay, WI:

Here Lies Joyce

She'd rather not died

But had no choice


From Omaha, NE:

Here lies the bones of Private Jones

For whom War held no terrors

A private then a private now

No runs No hits just errors


From Sutter County, CA:

He looked for Gold

But died of

Lead poisoning


From Kent, England:

Grim death took me

without any warning

I was well at night

and dead in the morning


In Lee, MA in memory of my wife. Alpha White (who weighed 309 lb.)

Open wide Ye Heavenly Gates

That leadeth to that heavenly shore

Our father suffered in passing through

And mother weighs much more


In Kansas City KS:

Here lies a farmer who

has now properly assumed

all of his obligations


In a Cemetery in Covington, VA

I made a lot of deals in my  lifetime

But I sure went  in the hole on this one


Finally from a dentist's stone in Philadelphia, PA:

Stranger approach this spot

with gravity for John B. Cudd, DMD

is filling his last cavity


The next  three were contributed by: Gabrielle:

For a child, aged three:

  If I am so quickly done for

  What on earth was I begun for


 

For a Nell Parker of  London:

  God took our flower

 our little Nell,

  He thought He too would like a smell


For a John Wells, a tailor from Oxford:

  He left his hose

 his Hannah she his love

  To sing hosannas in the world above


The next four are from Derek Delavau by e-mail:

Tony Hawk died

from not enough Air


Beneath this stone & not above it
lie the remains of Anna Lovett;
Be pleased good reader not to shove it,
least she should come again above it
 
For twixt you and I no one does covet
To see again this Anna Lovett
Here lies sheriff Tim Mcgrew
Who said he would arrest Bill Hennessy or die
He was right

 

Beneath this grassy mount

 now rests Edgar Oscar Earl

 Who to another hunter

 looked exactly like a squirrel


 

More to Come.........

Email an inscription to me, please- petebennett@hotmail.com

..remember always...

Gloom, despair and agony on me (Wow)
deep, dark depression; excessive misery (Wow)
if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all (Wow)
gloom, despair and agony on me!


Great Links to follow:

Read about spooky things that haunt famous places at: Haunted Hamilton, ON

Also some Spooky places in Pennsylvania at Haunted place in PA.

Visit this really great site called- Grave Addiction.

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