Pete's August 2000 Article.

"Not so Famous Quotes" by Pete Bennett

These quotes are not so famous, but they are good and may become famous someday, I think.

Recently I switched Internet service providers. I left my old slow server for a new cable server called ZOOM, because its so fast. Their advertising slogan is: ZOOM... Your There!

So, while I was looking up some quotes for this article I tried to pay close attention as some of them went right over my head. ZOOM..... I'm sure they won't go over yours though and I hope you enjoy them!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were suppose to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." ----Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but I can't remember what they are."--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22.

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."--David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, (answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes)

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for the federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body."--Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."--Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."--Philadelphia Philly's manager Danny Ozark

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."--Former French President Charles De Gaulle.

"A mind is like a parachute, It only functions when opened."-- Author Unknown

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."--A Congressional Candidate in Texas.

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."--Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quyle.

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."--General William Westmoreland.

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."--Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle again.

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself..--Mark Twain

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too."--Sam Moore.

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."--Mark Twain.

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."--A. Whitney.

"My wife and my little babies are very much an inspiration. And my own self, I'm an inspiration unto myself. I think it's just a good feeling."-- former Beach Boy Brian Wilson, when asked about his motivation to write songs these days

"Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wilderness is a necessity"-- John Muir

"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average."--Unknown

"The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand." --Fred Allen.

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-- " -- General John Sedgwick, Union commander in the Civil War, speaking his last words as he was watching enemy troops during the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.

"The problem with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat."--Lily Tomlin

"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."-- Mark Twain

Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."-- W.Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!"

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines."-- Frank Lloyd Wright.

"It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt."--Abe Lincoln.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans suffers from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are OK, than its you."--Rita Mae Brown.

"Never try to leap a chasm in two jumps."--Unknown

"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."--Unknown

"Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage."--Dr. Karl Bowman.

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known."--Walt Disney.

'I like young girls. Their stories are shorter."--Tom McGuane

"I've been in more laps than a napkin."--Mae West.

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished."--Zsa Zsa Gabor.

"When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one."--Helen Rowland.

'The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him."--Cher.

"Trust in your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name."--Advice to Joan Rivers from her mother.

"You don't know anything about a woman until you meet her in court."--Norman Mailer.

"I was toilet -trained at gunpoint."--Bill Braver.

"Life does not begin at the moment of birth. It begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies."--Unknown.

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." --Clarence Darrow.

"It's OK to drink like a fish, as long as you drink what a fish drinks!"--Pete Bennett

"My uncle was the town drunkard and we lived in Chicago."--George Gobel.

'Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody."--Mark Twain.

"Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him any money."--Arthur Miller.

"Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands."--Jayne Mansfield

"You can always tell how 'good' the gossip by how low it's whispered."-- Keith Hoffman.

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."--Groucho Marx.

I am a deeply superficial person.--Andy Warhol

"To err is human, and stupid."--Robert Byrne.

'It is impossible to enjoy being idle unless there is plenty of work to do."--Jerome K. Jerome.

Hard work never killed anybody so why take a chance."--Charlie McCarthy/Edgar Bergen.

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop."--Unknown.

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."--Aristotle Onassis.

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." --Marcel Achard.

"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction." -- Noelie Alite.

"I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe"-- Ano.

"The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it." -- Anonymous.

"An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd's attention."-- Anonymous.

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." -- Anonymous.

"There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself."-- Johann Sebastian Bach.

"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."--Gilda Radner.

"Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose." --Unknown.

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."--Totie Fields.

"Where do you go to get anorexia?--Shelly Winters.

"I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking."--Katherine Cebrian.

"The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry." --John Jensen.

"There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers."-Robert Orben.

"We're all in this alone."--Lily Tomlin.

"Schizophrenia beats dining alone."--Unknown.

"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic."--Lily Tomlin.

"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."--Voltaire.

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."--Augustus Strindberg.

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."--Garrison Keillor.

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."--C.G. Jung.

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing."-Phyllis Diller.

"There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse."-Quentin Crisp.

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"--Abraham Lincoln.

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."--Ingrid Bergman.

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."--W.C. Fields.

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done."--Unknown.

"I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."--Phyllis Diller.

"Gray hair is God's graffiti.--Bill Cosby.

Here is an autobiography in 5 chapters.

Chapter 1

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I feel helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it's there. I fall in...it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around the hole.

Chapter 5

I walk down a different street. - author unknown

WATCH:

Watch your thoughts for they become words.

Watch your words for they become actions.

Watch your actions for they become habits.

Watch your habits for they become character.

Watch your character for it become your destiny

- Author unknown

In closing, many of us go through life as if we were waiting for a miracle.

Are you by chance waiting for a miracle? If you're waiting for a miracle, your wait is over.

You are the miracle. Against all odds, you are here today, alive, filled with possibilities.

You can shape the world around you. You can imagine, dream and create.

You can experience, reason, share and love.

What could possibly be more miraculous than your life? You are at once unique, and connected to all of creation.

Think for a moment how special you are. Think of the unique expression of life and love and energy that is you.

Think of how far you've already come. Think of how far you can go.

Celebrate the miracle that is your life, and make the most of every moment.

Amen!

See you next time.


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