Pete's April 1999 Article.

“Things I Remember I Forgot” by Pete Bennett
Things that I Remember:
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get
.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst,
for they are sticking to their diets.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation
from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies:
They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
My mind not only wanders,
sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise,
I lie down till the thought goes away.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm,
you just don't have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head.
Mark it "Closed for remodeling."
**Caution - Leave air holes.
I finally got my head together,
and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week;
my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part of living in a small town is that
when I don't know what I'm doing,someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by that time,
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything,
then I regain consciousness.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old;
you grow old because you stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race,
but I could do with a little more cheese.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while,
and it shrinks two sizes.
Age is important only if you're a cheese.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out,
but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.
Things I Forgot:
Some people complain because God put thorns on roses,
while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.
A person's true character is revealed by
what he does when no one is watching.
Although the tongue weighs very little,
very few people are able to hold it.
Falling down doesn't make you a failure,
but staying down does.
Don't be afraid of pressure.
Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.
Even a woodpecker owes his success
to the fact that he uses his head.
The poorest of all men is not the man without a cent,
but the man without a dream.
The only preparation for tomorrow
is the right use of today.
People don't care how much you know
until they know how much you care.
Temper is what gets most of us into trouble.
Pride is what keeps us there.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary
is that little "extra."
One thing you can learn by watching the clock
is that it passes time by keeping its hands busy.
The heart is the happiest when it beats for others.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
If you find something you like,
buy a lifetime supply,because they will stop making it.
All things being equal,
fat people use more soap.
You can't tell which way the train went
by looking at the track.
Be kind, everyone you meet
is fighting a tough battle too.
This is as bad as it can get..
. but don't bet on it.
There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.
By the time you can make ends meet,
they move the ends.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
The facts, although interesting,
are generally irrelevant.
The world gets a little better every day,
and worse in the evening.
Someone who thinks logically
is a nice contrast to the real world.
The other line always moves faster...
until you get in it.
Everything should be made as simple as possible,
but no simpler.
One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
And finally, last but not least, this poem sort of says it all:
S L O W D A N C E:
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down Don't dance so fast!
<>
Time is short The music won't last
Do you run through each day on the fly
When you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast
Time is short The music won't last
<>
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast
Time is short The music won't last
<>
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away...
Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music Before the song is over.
That’s all I’ve got for you to think about this month. See you all next time. You can read ALL my articles on the Internet at: http://petesallamericanhomepage.com/

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