Pete's Article April 1998.
"Virtual Country Songs" By Pete Bennett
Well, here it is, April 1998, its been a long winter and a lot of things have happened. My wife Doris and I sold our home in Kersey and moved to Butler, PA. in December. Our son-in-law and his father, who own Woodbrook Builders built us a new home here. We are now moved in, and its lovely. Another thing that happened is that the magazine I wrote for closed down, and all winter I have not written anything! Through a friend, I heard of this new publication that would be producing its first issue in April, so I contacted the editor and begged for the opportunity to have an article in the first issue, and he graciously agreed to print an article. It was then that I realized that I didnt have an article ready to give him, so I drew on some of my hidden resources from the internet, and put together this article. Hopefully you will read it, and maybe even like it, and well be off on another adventure together. I hope my articles will help you relax a little bit after a hard days work, and maybe even make you laugh. I dont plan on them all being humorous, but then again, I dont plan much! So, here goes...
Now, everyone knows how much I love country music and just the other day, I was surfing the net when I came across this list of what someone had dubbed Virtual Country Songs. Well, theyre ridiculous, to say the least, but do you know what? Theyre real! I recall hearing some of them, maybe you will too. Here they are, now sit back and relax a bit, like I suggested, and have a good chuckle!
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
I Didnt Know Whether To Come Home Or Just Go Crazy
I Dont Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Keep Forgettin I Forgot About You
Im Gettin Gray From Being Blue
Ive Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
Ive Got The Hungries For Your Love And Im Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If Drinkin Dont Kill Me Her Memory Will
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, I Wonder Whose Id Find On You
Mama Get The Hammer (Theres A Fly On Papas Head)
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
Youre A Cross I Cant Bear
Youre The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Dont Cry On My Shoulders Cause Its Rustin My Spurs
Heres A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You If You Wont Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know Ive Been A Liar All My Life
I Fell In A Pile Of You, And Got Love All Over Me
I Meant Every Word That He Said
I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldnt Spell Yecch!
I Wouldnt Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause Im Afraid Shed Win
Im Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
Im So Miserable Without You, Its like Having You Here
Iíve Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back in My Bed While I Cry Over You.
Cant Roller-skate In A Buffalo Herd
If Love Were Oil, Id Be A Quart Low
If You Dont Leave Me Alone, Ill Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
Learning to Live Again is Killing Me
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, I Dont Miss Her But I Sure Miss Him
Oh, Ive Got Hair Oil On My Ears, and My Glasses are Slipping Down, but Baby I Can See Right Through You
Oh, Lord! Itd Hard to be Humble When Youre Perfect In Every Way
Thank God and Greyhound Shes Gone
They May Put Me in Prison, But They Cant Stop My Face From Breakin Out
When The Phone Dont Ring, Baby, Youll Know Its Me
You Cant Deal Me All The Aces and Expect Me Not To Play
You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat
Youre Ruining My Bad Reputation
My Honey Ran Away With Bob Vila (Now Im In This Old House Alone)
Country Music Aint Nuthin But Bad News And a Steel Guitar
Did You Ever Know You Loved Me?
I Aint Got But One Nerve Left And Youve Done Got On That
She Even Woke Me Up To Say Good-Bye
While I Was Catchin Zs, You Became My X, And I Wanna Know Y
Walk Out Backwards So Ill Think Youre Coming In
If Liquor Were Coffee, Id Have Grounds For Divorce
I Hit Him With A Golf Club, Cuz He Really Teed Me Off
He Put Plastic Flowers On His Mammas Grave
Youve Been Jealous Of My Mama, Since Her Jelly Took First Prize
Your Memory Is Better Than You
Thats a lot of funny songs, but this joke sort of sums it ALL up...
These two convicts were about to be executed. The warder says to the one, Do you have a last request? The convict says, Yes, Id like to hear Achy Breaky Heart one last time. The warden says OK, I think we can arrange that. Then he says to the second convict, How about you? Last request? The second convict says, Yeah, hang ME first!
See ya next month, and in the meantime, why not visit me at
Peteís ĎAll Americaní Home Page- http://petesallamericanhomepage.com/ I just got a scanner for Christmas and have added a lot of pictures. Also Id like to wish Tom lots of luck with the new magazine. I hope it becomes a HUGE success!
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